But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control; against such there is no law (Galatians. 5:22 & 23). First and foremost change comes through studying God’s word and implementing it into our lives through prayer and walking in the spirit. Below are some practical skills to work at to produce change through self control. 
According to USA Government Made Easy website at, <http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/New-Years-Resolutions.shtml> , the most popular New Year’s Resolutions are: eat healthy food, lose weight, exercise more, drink less alcohol, get a better education or job, manage stress, manage debt, quite smoking, reduce, reuse and recycle, save money, take a trip, and volunteer to help others.
Whatever changes and goals you hope to achieve in the New Year it will take much self-control and determination to achieve them. Many people fail after just a few weeks. There are three main elements to be successful in bringing about change:
Readiness to change: Do you have the resources to be successful at change?
Barriers to change: Is there anything keeping you from change
Avoiding Relapse: What are the triggers that may cause you to return to your old behavior and how to avoid them.
One of the best-known approaches to change is known as the “Stages of Change” model, which was introduced in the late 1970’s by researchers James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente who were researching ways to help people quit smoking. People are often resistant to change during the early stages, but eventually develop a successful and committed approach to changing their behavior.
Pre-contemplation Stage: If you are in this stage, you may be in denial that your current state is a problem or believe that you have no control over your behavior. Often people in this stage choose not to understand that their behavior is leading to damaging or unpleasant consequences. If you are in this stage, rethink your behavior. Begin by asking yourself some questions.
Have I ever tried to change this behavior in the past?
Why might my current behavior be a problem, or be limiting me from achieving my goals?
What are the consequences or risks of continuing my current behavior?
Contemplation Stage: During this stage, people become more and more aware of the potential benefits of making a change, but view it as a process of giving something up rather than a means of gaining emotional, mental, or physical benefits. This conflict creates a strong sense of ambivalence about changing. If you are contemplating a behavior change, there are some important things you can do.
Weigh the pros and cons of changing a behavior
Ask yourself: Why do I want to change
Determine if there is anything preventing change
Encourage confidence in your abilities
Identify barriers to change
Identify things that could help you change
Preparation stage: You might begin making small changes to prepare for a larger life change. For example, if your goal is to begin exercising, rather than plan to go to the gym daily, start by trying to go once or twice a week. If you are in the preparation stage, there are some steps you can take to improve your chances of successfully making a lasting life change.
Experiment with small changes
Educate yourself about change
Write down your goals
Prepare a plan of action
Make a list of motivating statements
Find outside resources such as support groups, a counselor or friends who can offer advice and encouragement
Action stage: People begin taking direct action in order to accomplish their goals. Oftentimes, resolutions fail because the previous steps have not been given enough thought or time. For example, many people make a resolution to lose weight and immediately start a new extensive exercise regimen. These steps are important to success, but these efforts are often abandoned in a matter of weeks because the previous steps have been overlooked. If you are at this stage make sure you have completed the previous ones.
Create a realistic approach that is not so overwhelming that you give up
Take small steps that lead to larger ones
Reward your successes to reinforce your positive steps
Take the time to periodically review your motivations, resources, and progress in order to refresh your commitment.
Maintenance Stage: involves successfully avoiding former behaviors and keeping up new behaviors. During this stage, people become more assured that they will be able to continue in their change. If you are trying to maintain a new behavior, look for ways to avoid temptation.
Try replacing old habits with more positive actions.
Reward yourself when you are able to successfully avoid a relapse.
Develop coping skills to stay motivated and avoid the impulse to return to old behavior
Continue rewarding success
Relapse Stage: In any behavior change, relapses are a common occurrence. When you go through a relapse, you might experience feelings of failure, disappointment, and frustration. The key to success is to not let these setbacks undermine your self-confidence. If you lapse back to an old behavior, take a hard look at why it happened. What triggered the relapse? What can you do to avoid these triggers in the future?
Identify triggers that lead to relapse
If you do lapse, don’t be too hard on yourself or give up. Instead, remind yourself that it was just a minor setback.
Understand that relapses are common and a part of the process of making a lifelong change.
Take steps to overcome barriers and never give up
Reaffirm your goals and commitment to change
Resolutions fail when the proper preparation and actions are not taken. By approaching a goal with an understanding of how to best prepare, act and maintain a new behavior, you will be more likely to succeed. I recommend keeping a journal or taking notes so you can clearly plan your goals and chart your progress.
Lori Conroy MS, LMFT
Marriage and Family Therapy, helping people find healing, wholeness, and purpose in life. www.loriconroy.com