“My goal, as a parent, is not to get my child to have good behavior.”
This is a statement I sometimes make and it is interesting the varied reactions I often get. Depending on the person’s beliefs or home they grew up in, I’ve gotten everything from, “Yeah, cause it’s impossible!” to “Uhhhh, that’s exactly what the goal is.”

After the dust clears a bit I always follow it up with: “My goal is to represent Father God to my children.”
You see, goals will shape how you go about a given task, and having the correct goal in the context of parenting can help you keep your cool in the middle of chaos. When it seems like everything is in a tornado of poopy diapers, late homework, dirty sticky hands, lunches, fighting brothers, work projects, upcoming events, I can feel myself slipping into the familiar land of the big angry controlling giant. It’s this question that brings me back to where I need to be.

Am I more concerned about the little things right now, or am I focused on representing the Father to my family? If I am the only image my children get of the Heavenly Father, how will they view the Father? How we view our earthly parents is typically the foundation of how we view and experience the Heavenly Father.
God is not intimidated by our mistakes. He is not worried about the areas that we are still pursuing maturity in. He isn’t even worried about punishing our sin.

His Son’s sacrifice was more than enough. The Father knows that the price His Son paid took the punishment of our sin, our mistakes, our brokenness, and our immaturity. We are no longer in need of punishment. The Father’s goal is to draw us closer to Him.

What His Son did removes any barriers between us and the Father. In this new relationship the dynamic has changed. Instead of the fear of punishment motivating our behavior, God intends that keeping our connection alive and healthy between us motivates the choices we make. Discipline takes on this new goal of not punishment (where we pay the price for our mistakes), but to disciple us in good choices that guard and maintain our connection with the Father.

Let me show you two verses about this:
Psalm 32:8-9 NKJV – “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Do not be like the horse or like the mule, Which have no understanding, Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, Else they will not come near you.”

The Father wants to lead and guide us with His eye, with His connection with us! He doesn’t want us to have to have a bit or bridle. Sometimes as parents, we assume that we are supposed to be putting a bit and bridle on our kids to get them to behave. The goal is not to get them used to a bit and bridle. We aren’t beasts of burden. The goal is that through learning to maintain the connection we develop and grow strong in Self Control.

Here’s the second:
2 Corinthians 3:6 NIV – “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant–not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

When we focus on every behavior, every little thing, we begin to live by the letter. I have done this and I saw instantly the life draining from my son’s eyes. I’ve done it more than once. There is just something so oppressive about legalism. This verse sums it up: “the letter kills.”

Well then, you say, what about my kids unruly behavior? What about getting them to obey, or getting them to do right? The process of growth and maturity requires many mistakes to be made. Let the consequences of their choices do the teaching. Be there to love and support them through the process. Sometimes we are the ones having to administer the consequences. But I want to encourage you with this: fight hard to guard your connection with your children. If its weak, go strengthen it. Don’t be their best friend. Be their parent. But try parenting from a new place. Fight hard to represent the Father to your children. Don’t be intimidated or insecure about your children’s mistakes and learning process. Parent from a place knowing that all punishment has been taken on the cross, and instead let discipline do what it is supposed to: disciple.

It is time represent the Father well to our families.