Our culture’s thinking about sex has changed. “Hooking up” is the norm, and virgins are viewed as freaks. It’s common to hear people talk about the need to discover whether they are sexually compatible before making a long-term commitment.
People have bought-in to the notion that their sexual purity doesn’t have significance or value. Sadly, they are creating a downward spiral for themselves. The more people give themselves away in the name of testing sexual compatibility, the more broken and less compatible they become. They also become incapable of making a commitment and being in a beautiful, whole marriage with the person that they were actually created to be with.
Sin is defined as something that “misses the mark” and falls short of God’s best intentions for our lives. Sexual sin is sexual expression that misses the mark, falls short of God’s best, and creates emotional, psychological, and even physiological brokenness in our lives.
Wisdom on Sexual Purity
We need understanding. Understanding is a foundation to stand on, a value system to build on. Not having understanding creates vulnerability. It’s easy to miss the mark when we are living according to the wrong values. One of the keys to navigating the temptation of sexual sin is to upgrade your value system so there is a strong foundation to stand on.
The wisdom in Proverbs chapter 7 does this in such a clear way that it seems as though it was written for us living in 2012.
Proverbs 7:7-10, 13a And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, a young man devoid of understanding.8 Passing along the street near her corner; and he took the path to her house 9 In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night. 10 And there a woman met him, with the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart… 13 So she caught him and kissed him…
Being “devoid of understanding” creates vulnerability. The first mistake of this young man was wandering into the wrong environment. But is was his response to the next event that led to his demise. It says that he was “caught” (vs. 13).
This is where a wise man named Joseph made a decision to run. Not walk, or stroll, or meander…RUN. “She [Potiphar’s wife] caught him [Joseph] by his coat, saying, ‘Lie with me.’ But he left his coat in her hand, and fled and ran outside.” (Genesis 39:12)
Do What Joseph Did!
Joseph was caught, but not trapped. He slipped out of his coat and ran. The wisest thing you can do when facing sexual temptation is to “do the Joseph” – remove yourself from that environment as fast as you possibly can. Remove yourself from the situation before physiology and physical chemistry start to cloud your thinking.
This is the only decision that can prevent deceptive talk rooted in a wrong value system from justifying the decision to act on temptation. Removing yourself from the temptation prevents the mind from getting clouded by hormones.
The young man in Proverbs 7 decided to stay in the situation, perhaps because he thought he was strong enough, or perhaps because he just wanted to entertain it a bit more. That’s when a barrage of excuses converged upon him to justify acting on temptation.
A Perfect Storm of Excuses
Proverbs 7:13b-20 With an impudent face she said to him: 14 “I have peace offerings with me; today I have paid my vows. 15 So I came out to meet you, diligently to seek your face, and I have found you. 16 I have spread my bed with tapestry, colored coverings of Egyptian linen. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love. 19 For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; 20 He has taken a bag of money with him, and will come home on the appointed day.”
The following perfect storm of excuses converged upon this young man:
1. Religious justification – “peace offerings” & “vows” (vs. 14). The lie – we can do this and we can still be right with God. The fact – you can’t manipulate scripture and bend it to your desires without great consequence.
2. “It’s because of love” – “I diligently sought you” (vs.15). The lie – love justifies sin. The fact – true love doesn’t behave in this way. The fact is that she was seeking anyone, not just him. Someone may tell you “I love you, and you’re special” in order to get want they want. The truth is that you are special, but they don’t really love you. Someone who truly loves you will pursue you while protecting and respecting you, and they will be willing to make a life long covenant with you called marriage.
3. “I have prepared something you don’t want to miss out on” (vs. 16-17). The Lie – God doesn’t have great satisfaction for you. The Fact – you will miss out on a lifetime of sexual fulfillment by buying into the values that will cause you to be sexually loose and not value giving your purity away to the one person that you will be with for life.
4. “We deserve this.” “We both have needs” (vs. 18). The Lie – We need sex to feel love, or to solace and comfort ourselves. The Fact: sin has pleasure for a season but ends with incredible brokenness and alienation, the opposite of love and intimacy. (See verses 21-27 below).
5. “We won’t get caught” (vs. 20). The Lie – it’s okay if we don’t get caught. The Fact – not getting caught doesn’t make it right. Character is who you are in the dark, not just in the open.
A Half-Way House to Hell
Here’s the rest of the story revealing the fruit of this young man’s choice in the Message translation.
Proverbs 7:21-27 “Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over. So, friends, listen to me take these words of mine most seriously. Don’t fool around with a woman like that; don’t even stroll through her neighborhood. Countless victims come under her spell; she’s the death of many a poor man. She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin.”
This story could easily be reversed (a woman seduced by a man) and often is. The point is that God has given us some very practical wisdom. Don’t even stroll through the “neighborhood” where this type of environment is present. And if you stumble into it, do what Joseph did and get out.
Your sexual purity is worth fighting for. If you’ve lost it, the Father wants to heal and restore you. He is your Shepherd and the Restorer of you soul.
I Will Never Be On the Wrong Side Again
All the time, we (especially youth) hear things like “everybody does it; everybody hooks up; everybody looks at porn, no one is really faithful.” The reality is that everybody does not. It reminds me of a scene in the movie Braveheart where Robert the Bruce is speaking to his father.
Robert – “Those men who bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace, and he fights for something that I’ve never had. And I took it from him when I betrayed him and I saw it in his face on the battlefield, and it’s tearing me apart.”
Father: “Well, all men betray. All lose heart.”
Robert: “I don’t want to lose heart! I want to believe as he does. I will never be on the wrong side again.”
If you’ve embraced some of the excuses outlined in Proverbs 7, allow the Lord to cleanse you. It’s time to embrace biblical wisdom and upgrade your value system. Rise up in your heart, and in faith say what Robert the Bruce said – “I will never be on the wrong side again”.
When you have the right value system, you are empowered to do what Joseph did.
And remember – you are valuable. You are loved. And your purity is worth fighting for.
(For more teaching on this subject, click here to listen to Words in Red Part 5.)